Harnessing Feedback for Career Advancement and Self-Awareness
When people hear the word feedback, typically the mind goes to the words constructive feedback. Most people don't gravitate to this thing called positive feedback because typically we get more constructive than we do positive. How do I know this? In 32 years, every time I have asked this question, if an employee is called into the office by the boss, what's the employee's first typical response? Everybody says, "Uh-oh, I must be in trouble." In 32 years, no one has ever replied that they thought, "Oh, great! My promotion's here." It's rarely good stuff.
I'm going to introduce you to something called controlled feedback. We also reference it using something called rules of engagement. We're going to teach this as it relates to cultivating self-awareness. Controlled feedback means that you're going to ask someone for feedback and you're going to do so in a controlled way. Here's how it works:
#1: You're going to ask somebody, "What are 2 or 3 things I do well specific to _______? What's the one area where I have an opportunity to improve or raise my game?"
Notice we do not use the words constructive feedback. Why? It just feels a little nicer. It doesn't put people back on their heels as much. That doesn't mean we soft-pedal it.
Here's the rule, which is where the control comes in.
#2: When you get the feedback, simply say "Thank you." Nothing else.
I always get the question about what if you disagree with it?
I always have the same reply: who cares? Somebody is kind enough to give you feedback. If you ask for feedback, then qualify your request with based on how they answer you'll let them know if you agree or disagree, they won't be inclined to give you any feedback in the future. This will hurt you in the long run. If you're going to dismiss it and come up with reasons to invalidate the feedback, you will never understand the perception you give other people.
Whether you like it or not, the perception people have of you matters. It might be misguided, misunderstood, or miscalculated, but you just can't hide behind it. Thinking that's their issue, not mine...well, no, some of those people who might have that issue might be the very people who can help you in your career. Perception matters.
I stress this reason so vigorously that when you have controlled feedback, you have to remember one thing: when we hear feedback, most of us have an emotional reaction. It is not one of calmness, especially when it's constructive. When we hear three or four good things about ourselves, we feel good. There's still an emotional reaction. Yet if somebody tells you that you don't seem to work well with your teammates, and in your mind you think, what are they talking about? I love my teammates, that's jarring. It impacts you emotionally.
We always share with people to remember how you react to feedback and why we use controlled feedback to cultivate self-awareness. Why do you do it this way? Because you want that person to feel comfortable to come back to you again. The minute you start hearing silence and there's no feedback, that's the time you really need to start to worry.
ACTIVITIES TO IMPROVE FEEDBACK RECEPTIVENESS:
#1: Ask the person you're coaching to itemize the best way to approach them when they show strengths, and how they would like to receive that feedback. Ask them to itemize the best ways to approach them constructively when they need some correction.
#2: Use strengths as a catalyst to open doors of opportunity. A 3:1 ratio is wise, specifically starting with 3 strengths they've shown and then leading into the 1 area they can improve as an opportunity to grow.
#3: When providing feedback, ask them to list things they're going to do to support the strength-based feedback, as well as the areas of constructive feedback. Give them a few minutes to do this after receiving feedback.
How Does Your Team Respond to Feedback?
Are you curious about how your team responds to feedback? Do you wonder if they seek it out on their own or only when prompted? How do they handle constructive criticism and unexpected feedback?
Find out the answers to these questions and more by taking our quiz. Discover how your team's feedback culture measures up! Click on the image below to take the quick quiz.